Uppity Cops…Again

First, the case of Candice White, an eighteen year old, pregnant, citizen of East Bank, West Virginia.

Seems that Sgt. Steve Smith is a little trigger happy with his tazer. He zapped this woman three times with it, apparently while just playing around during a social visit. A report in front of the city council ensued.

“Smith told council members that Candice White had asked if she could get a Taser. He told her yes and that he was trained to certify her in its use, and part of the training involved getting shocked with the Taser. He said she asked to be Tasered and that he had the Taser’s power setting very low.”

It is bad of me that I hear the conversation in my head something like this: “Yeah baby, I can get you certified. But you gotta let me zap you first. You know, just right here on your sexy leg. Yeah baby, you like that? Want it again? Oh, I know you love it. I’m gonna keep on givin’ it to you.”

The reason this is even in the paper is the weird part, though. Apparently, one of the city councilmen, who also happens to be the police commissioner, is in hot water because he asked for this incident to be investigated without going through channels and informing the officer in question. “Yeah, Chief, I hear one of your boys done zapped up the White girl the other night. Ya’ll mind askin’ round to see if I gotta take that boy out ‘hind the shed and teach him some manners? Thanks, Chief.” (Again, that’s just how that conversation goes in my head.) The actual story goes like this:

Thursday’s meeting was called by Bill Thompson, the town’s recorder and police commissioner. Earlier Thursday, Thompson was arraigned on a felony charge of retaliating against a police officer and two misdemeanors in Kanawha County Magistrate Court. The criminal complaint against him was signed by Smith.

So, it seems fine to go around zapping people, but you can’t investigate the complaint? How about when this same cop seems to have a habit of zapping folks just for fun on their birthdays?

A young man from the East Bank Volunteer Fire Department also told the council he was Tasered by Smith.

“He Tasered me because it was my birthday,” the firefighter said, adding that his back was turned when Smith used the Taser on him.

By all means, let us forget for a moment that this cop sounds like a total tool who gets off on tazing citizens and concentrate on the fact that the police commissioner screwed up protocol.

But even that frigged up situation is better that our next story.

Seems a little old man and a little old woman had been married for almost twenty years and the woman had a stroke. The little old man would visit her every day, read to her from the Bible, and help with her physical therapy to help her maintain good muscle tone. The woman’s sister and the man apparently had a good friendship since she has come to his defense in this case. What case? Oh, the case the Madison, Portage, Wisconsin police brought against him for having sex with his wife.

Seems that the woman, Mrs. Johnson, was unable to speak or sit up by herself due to her stroke. So when Mr. Johnson closed the door to the room to have some privacy with his wife, nursing home staffers got suspicious. Yes, that’s right. The staff at the nursing home. Not the woman’s sister who thinks Mr. Johnson should have never been charged. So, due to the suspicions of the nursing home staff, police placed a hidden camera in the room. Mr. Johnson is now charged with having sex with his wife three times in the year 2005. The police state that since Mrs. Johnson couldn’t speak, she couldn’t give her consent to the sex, thereby making it a crime.

Apparently they forgot about a little thing called the Fourth Amendment. A hidden camera in a private hospital room. Sounds kinda creepy, don’t it?

Mrs. Johnson’s sister, her only relative apparently, thinks the act was an act of love and tenderness. But she has no legal right to an opinion. Because Mr. Johnson is Mrs. Johnson’s legal and binding next of kin, solely responsible in a legal or moral sense, for her well being. If the Shivo case taught us anything, it cemented the fact that husbands have legal precedence over any other family member when it comes to non-verbal wishes of the patient, yes? Who exactly the hell do these pissants at the nursing home think they are to tell a man he can’t love up his wife of twenty years, especially since some studies have shown that lovemaking with their partners can actually be a good thing for stroke patients. How are they to know that Mr. J and Mrs. J didn’t have a late night convo some night that went something like this:

“Honey, if I’m ever have a stroke and have to live the rest of my life in a nursing home, what will you do to fulfill your manly urges?”

“Well, dear, I guess I’ll just have to be faithful to our wedding vows and not have sex until you die and free me from them. Either that or just hook up with that little chippy from the diner down the street.”


“The hell you will! You will come to me for your sex. I will need it just as much as you will and I won’t have you breaking our marriage just because I’m in a coma or something.”

“But, dear, um, ewww.”

“Don’t you love me? Didn’t you say until death do us part?”

“Yes dear. Fine dear. I promise to fuck you even if you are in a coma. Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Of course, honey. Kiss, kiss.”


The good news is that Columbia County Circuit Judge Patrick Taggart threw out the tapes as evidence and the charges are likely to be dropped. Three. Years. Later. The bad news is that the prosecutors are reviewing whether or not to take it to the state supreme court.

This is what happens when doctors and nurses and police get their panties all up in a bunch and the rights of the accused are thrown the hell away. This is the same kind of thing that brings the cops to your door because your kid shows up with a black eye he got playing baseball or your daughter has a heavy period and the school nurse thinks it seems “suspicious.” This is being convicted before anyone even asks you a question so the “investigators” can do what ever the hell they want to prove it, including violating the rights of the accused, forced separation of family members without just cause (including forcing kids into foster care on a whisper of a rumor of a doubt), or even breaking in the doors of your house at midnight with guns drawn just because a neighbor thinks he heard your wife crying. Yes, investigations should proceed if the situation warrants, but the shattering of families in the name of protecting them is all too common.

Do I think it’s cool that Mr. J was giving his wife the salami while she she lay there? I can’t say. Are they deeply religious and they saw it as a holy duty? Is merely a vindictive old man who wanted to hurt his wife for the lousy sex she gave him before her stroke? Was she actually in any danger? Did her doctor ever even ask him the question “Um, sir, are you having sex in here with your wife?” Or is the whole thing a case of some prude floor nurse who couldn’t stand the idea of anyone being dirty in her rest home? I don’t have the facts. Without them I can only assume that Mr. and Mrs. J had a loving marriage and they would both want to continue their marriage for as long as they both shall live, and that it is none of my business, nor yours, and sure as bloody hell not the business of the Madison, Portage, Wisconsin police.



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4 Responses to “Uppity Cops…Again”

  1. Madrocketscientist Says:
    September 16th, 2008


    The Madison, WI police were not involved in this, as Madison is in Dane County, and Portage is in Columbia County, about 30 minutes to the north (and a wee bit outside of Madison’s jurisdiction). Portage is big enough to have their own police force, backed up by the County Sheriff.

    I’m not sure why the article lists Madison as the source of this, unless they got the story from one of the Madison newspapers.

    And yes, I used to live in Madison (70 square miles, surrounded by reality, but actually a very nice city).

  2. Ted Bronson Says:
    September 16th, 2008

    Thanks for the correction, MRS.

  3. MadRocketScientist Says:
    September 16th, 2008

    Anytime :-)

  4. shortbus Says:
    September 21st, 2008

    As someone who is certified to use a taser and has had one used on him, I can assure you that there is no LOW setting. It is either zapped, or not. I realize that this is really imaterial to the fact that she was tased, just wanted to make sure that every one knows that there are no DEGREES of tasing.

    The Taser is kind of a pet peeve of mine. The fact that some people abuse it keeps most folks from realizing that the alternative in justified situations is usually a bullet. I know of several situations where the taser prevented officers from having to use lethal force.

    As for old folks having sex, stroke victims can usually still communicate in some manner. Unless she has communicated that it was forcible then the nursing home and local pd need to find some real crime to fight. Maybe something like nurses taking medication ment for patients.


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