Machine-Men

Yes, I’m going to post about the Olympics again.

phelpsI would like to know in which bio-engineering lab Michael Phelps was assembled. And can’t we ALL go in for some much-needed upgrades? I could use a new right knee. Ted could use a new spinal column. I’d like to do some after-market mods on the kids, see how close to forever we can extend their lifespans.

Seriously, this boy is exciting to watch, isn’t he? The 4×200 relay last night, while not as thrilling as the squeaker over the Fronchies a few days ago, was deuced exciting just for the sheer wood-shedding the US team put on everyone else who entered the pool. And under 7 minutes, for crissakes! They’re all good, or they wouldn’t be there, but you can’t deny the nearly two body lengths lead Phelps gave them with that first leg. A machine, I tell you.

In other Olympic news, the US girls took silver over the Chinee midgets. Bela Karolyi is in full froth over the midgets’ alleged ages, as he usually is…and rightfully so, I think, contrary to the almost-personal whinging of this Yahoo sports writer. Not one of those children could have been over 14 years old (16 is the minimum age), no matter what their official passports might say. They’re all easily 30 lbs lighter than the American crew, therefore have a lower gravity-debt in all the flippings and the twirlings, and have the bonus of knowing their entire families will be gulag-ed if they fail. Strangely motivating, I imagine.

Hey, did you hear the entire Spanish men’s basketball team is racist? What, did they burn crosses in the American team’s yard? No? They actually took their fingers and made slanty eyes for a team photo to be used in an advertisement back home in Spain. I bet they didn’t know that made them racist. Someone should warn them artificially inflating their cheeks to imitate a fat person is also offensive, and warn them against scratching the top of their head whilst saying “ook” so as not to be mistaken for a member of the media.

The Yahoo sports writer, my opinion of which (as a job title in general) is plummeting by the second, penning the article thinks pulling your eyes out of shape is racist:

Jose Calderon of the Toronto Raptors has spent the last three years in North America, but he didn’t get it. He could still not understand how an action with such deep racial undertones had generated so much attention.

Seriously? “Deep racial undertones”?? Here’s the picture, by the way:

spanishbasketballteam

Now I’m not Asian, so I may be talking out my ass, but really, this offends who outside of the second grade?

The advertisement has regularly run as a full page in Spanish sports daily Marca soon after the picture was taken on July 1. However, it only came to prominence after it reached the attention of the Guardian newspaper in London this week.

Oooohhh. All is clear now. Those arbiters of taste and style, the British press, have decided making slanty-eyes with your fingers is spank-worthy. Well, we’ve seen sterling examples of their correctitude in the past, so we must bow to their superior judgement on this, as well. *eyeroll*

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One Response to “Machine-Men”

  1. Joshua Says:
    August 14th, 2008

    On a related note, did you notice that Lin Hao (the kid who survived the earthquake, and led the Chinese athletes into the opening ceremony alongside Yao Ming) was carrying a Chinese flag that had been mounted on its staff upside-down? One of the defining moments of a ceremony that reportedly cost $100M to stage, and it was made a laughingstock by a 50-cent flag that no one apparently spotted or bothered to replace.

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