Oh lawsy mercy, the FBI is going to database us all!!

The FBI is gearing up to create a massive computer database of people’s physical characteristics, all part of an effort the bureau says to better identify criminals and terrorists.

Oh noes!! We’re all going to be *gasp* indexed!

Kimberly Del Greco, the FBI’s Biometric Services section chief, said adding to the database is “important to protect the borders to keep the terrorists out, protect our citizens, our neighbors, our children so they can have good jobs, and have a safe country to live in.”

B-b-buuut, I don’t want to be indexed!

In addition, the FBI could soon start comparing people’s eyes — specifically the iris, or the colored part of an eye — as part of its new biometrics program called Next Generation Identification.

Just where are they going to get all this data on us?

The FBI says it will protect all this personal data and only collect information on criminals and those seeking sensitive jobs.

Oooh, so it’s just the bad guys they’re indexing. And people up for clearances, who get microscoped anyway. Well, why didn’t you SAY that, Kelli Arena and Carol Cratty of, before the very end of the article?

The ACLU’s Steinhardt doesn’t believe it will stop there.

“This had started out being a program to track or identify criminals,” he said. “Now we’re talking about large swaths of the population — workers, volunteers in youth programs. Eventually, it’s going to be everybody.”

Oh yes, clearly it will be everybody. Where does that assumption come from, you reactionary idiots? Can anyone tell me, really, when was the last time the ACLU accomplished anything beneficial?

Probably about the same time CNN last practiced responsible journalism.


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8 Responses to “THX-145847664.2”

  1. Tess Says:
    February 4th, 2008

    Dang it. For a second there, I thought we were going to be rid of those creepy colored contact lenses.

  2. Mad William Flint Says:
    February 5th, 2008

    Meh. I just don’t believe they’ve got the organizational capacity to get that done.

  3. Hazel Stone Says:
    February 5th, 2008

    This is what I’m sayin’. But you would not believe the hand-wringing going on over at, in the comment section of that “article.”

    Aieeee, run away to Mexico, Canuckistan, Neverland!!!

    As you say, “Meh.”

  4. Tomare Utsu Zo Says:
    February 5th, 2008

    Government creep. It is inevitable that this will lead to the just that. And see how they have for years been trying to create such a database, it is not hard to see this as a step (setting up the infrastructure) in the process. Is someone out there planning this? Who knows, but it is in the nature of the beast to get there regardless of the intentions of anyone person.

  5. Hazel Stone Says:
    February 5th, 2008

    Government Creep is offset by Bureaucratic Trudge. Anything that can be delayed *will* be delayed.

  6. Mike Rossiter Says:
    February 5th, 2008

    The more likely scenario would be that your bank will collect this information in order to safeguard your ATM access, and then in the event of an investigation the FBI would subpoena the information it feels it needs.

    In theory, I suppose it could become part of driver’s license registration, but I really think the banks will get there first.

  7. Dangerman Says:
    February 5th, 2008

    There is some truth to the Gummint Creep, but I think that the real battlefield for privacy is our bank accounts, especially because the banks have been made into the enforcers of the new codes.

  8. Ace Says:
    February 11th, 2008

    If I get indexed, I wonder if they’ll let me be “24601.”

    Then I can go around doing the big reveal from Les Miz.

    “Who am I? 24601!”


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